Inspiration

by DiDi Hendley - circa 1990-94

you are an inspiration
you make me think of things
that have not mattered

once i felt deeply

once i gave all
without asking for returns

i went to a place i had never been before

although there was need
there was no expectation

what was given
was done so
freely

and then one day i was alone

left alone in this place i was taken
confused
hurt
alone

although this place was dark
i did not go back
to the place i began

although it was cold
i chose to stay

never wanting
or needing
to find my way back

although it was lonely
there was shelter
and it was not unkind
it was familiar

there was not happiness
there was not feeling

sometimes i would hear voices growing closer
feel the heat of the light that came with them

i turned away

there was so bright a light
i could not escape it

i cannot run from it
though i cannot look to it
sometimes it fades
but it never goes away

sometimes it is so bright

that i feel my body burn
and i want to cry

this light has a key

this key will unlock the door
but to unlock the door is to feel

behind the door is freedom

freedom from expectation

and with expectation
will there be happiness

and if the expectation is too great
will there be sadness

i struggle with expectation
but the place i have been has taught me
and from it i learned need

where will the light take me

and will the light leave me there

alone
sad
afraid

and if the light cannot fulfill my need
where will i be

can i ever go back
to the place i began

i think not

for i cannot pay the price
for hope destroyed

for hunger
not of food
but of joy
and inspiration