Beams: rays of light; to radiate light; to shine; to smile expansively; to emit; to transmit;
the bar of a
balance; to support/brace against stress; on the right track.

Digital Photography and Art by DiDi Hendley. Now...Words.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

July Intensity Project Day 3-Got Personality

Unfortunately my Day 2 Project comment on the JIP blog is history, and as I don't intend to try to recreate it I shall move forward without it's reflection. Not that I really need it.

I'm having difficulty with the Day 3 assignment, in that there is an inference of incompletion--I don't feel incomplete. As the first question asks "What is missing?" --  I can't define what isn't there if I don't miss it. A paradox?

In defining the "weird" from Day 2 -- I believe I addressed other people's perspective of my "weirdness" (which isn't a word I really appreciate, probably based on history more than definition) in the lost notes. Many years of feeling "less than" have been overcome. My goal and focus is on discovery of self, on developing and appreciating creativity within, and of moving forward--not reflecting on the past. Been there...done that...moved on.

"What do I want to take away?" Again, for me, it's another been there, done that, moved on. I didn't like the baggage that was left behind from other people's expectations and, sometimes, cruel labels. I was more than happy to finally just walk away and leave that baggage somewhere in the street. I don't look back for it: I don't need to reclaim it.

"Who do I want to be?Me. In whatever shape, capacity, imagination, or definition that exists at whatever moment in time. I don't need to be anybody else. My skin may be misshapen from years of trying to wear other people's perspectives, but it's me now...void of those opinions. I completely accept it as it is. What's mine is mine...even if its leftovers. Those are the morsels in life that  feed us, sustain us, and keep us moving forward to discover our true self--an ever-evolving soul. Many folks just don't recognize that. (BTW, can you tell I'm hungry? lol)

As to "What do I want to add to myself"...I'm doing that. I'm creating and rediscovering words while I continue to create and search for images--within and out. I'm focusing on the mental images in my consciousness and taking the time to give them life, at least through words. For me personally, it makes me happy, brings me JOY. That's not a word that has often been used in my adult life, but it's certainly a word I've prayed for. If anyone decides it's "weird" -- they don't have to participate, and I'm fine with that. I believe that perspective is a benefit of wisdom attained through years. Who cares what somebody else thinks of I'm who I am...take me or leave me -- either way I continue my journey.

The final question, dealing with seeing myself as normal...well...again, I can't relate. I'm me. I don't need definition: normal, weird, or any other such adjective. I'm just me. I celebrate that I've come to terms with all of the above, I don't need approval or acceptance. I've grown to appreciate my own company and am MUCH happier by that acceptance of self.

I, too, appreciated Kristi's comments from Day 2. I, too, would rather hold up in my room or recliner, laptop engaged, whether it's with words or images: I'd much rather be doing THIS than the parties and socials, too. When I'm otherwise obligated to participate in such activities, my mind is thinking about the laptop...and the stories...and the images...THAT is what makes me happy. I love it if someone else decides something I produce or create makes them happy too. But if not...that's OK. I hope they find something that brings them joy, too!

1 comment:

  1. These thoughts are remarkable, DiDi! It's obvious that you have done a lot of thinking about the questions already, and the reward is a clarity of thought that is invaluable. Thank you so much for sharing this and for joining me in exploring these questions. ~ Lisa